On the surface life seems to have a natural flow, but sometimes it feels like everyone else is floating with the current and your being pulled away by a rip-tide. There is a prescription for adulthood: graduate high school, go to college, get engaged, graduate college, get married and then BOOM you're an adult. But sometimes life doesn't work that way, and when you're surrounded by happy couples getting engaged and planning weddings while also studying for final exams you might wonder if you took a wrong turn somewhere. I'm here to tell you that you didn't. You're just in what I like to call The In-between.
Let me stop and say that I do not think it's wrong for you to jump into marriage right after college, if that is/was your path I am not disparaging you in any way. I simply want to be a voice for those who are on a different path. Don't get me wrong marriage is an exciting adventure but that doesn't mean you need a marriage to have an adventure.
There is value in your life whether you are in a relationship or not. Not being married does not make
you less of an adult or your opinion less valuable. Since I am married now I like to refer to that time of my life as The In-between. I didn't quite feel like an adult but I definitely did not feel like a child, I was in-between. Let me also say getting married is not what pushes you out of The In-between. It may be taking a new position and starting your career, not just another job. It may be moving to a new place where you are truly reliant only on yourself. It may be cutting the financial ties you have with your parents. It may be buying a house. It could be any number of things, but getting married does often times coincide with those things. Which may be why it seems marriage is the catalyst out of The In-between, and it can be, but the two are not mutually exclusive.
Looking back what I like about The In-between most is that I learned things about myself that I may not have found out otherwise. I formed strong relationships with people I worked with. I stepped out into the "real world" for the first time, outside of school walls and safety nets. It took one week of low funds (after Christmas and before a pay-check) to realize I could make meals out of almost anything. It also taught to me to be more conscientious of the future, to make sure I wasn't in that position again. I learned how to make a budget and stick with it, because no one was going to bail me out and I had bills to pay. I also ate way too much fast food, so not every decision was my best. You learn what you are made of and if you're lucky you have friends that you can celebrate with and commiserate with. I was lucky enough to have those friends and as hard as it seemed at the time I wouldn't trade it for anything.
When you've finished college and you're single you have literally the world to explore and nothing holding you back (except your own personal boundaries, which are important to have). If you are feeling like life is leaving you behind I encourage you to change your perspective. Look within yourself and find something you've always wanted to do and go do it! Maybe you need to set up a savings account first (be responsible) but take that trip, buy those shoes, rescue the dog. Don't hold yourself back because you are waiting for life to start. Take control and don't look back. The other things will fall into place when they are meant to.
